I have three individual words on my vision board - happy, loved and spiritual. There have been times I have been happy and times I have felt loved during these four years, although these feelings have been absent from my life much of the past year or two. And spiritual is an elusive concept for me so how do I know when I have achieved being spiritual?
Check Marks
by
Michelle Rossi Eddins
I created a vision board four years ago with various words, phrases and images that I wanted to become, achieve, experience or bring into my life and hung it in my walk-in closet where I have seen it multiple times every day since then. This isn’t just an eyesore of a poster board; it is an elegantly wooden framed corkboard worthy of my innermost desires – albeit hidden in my closet only for my eyes to see. In the beginning I looked at it daily and imagined how I could manifest each item into reality, but gradually, over time it became more of a piece of art on the wall.
In the first year I was determined to put a “check mark” on as many of these items as I could. Within only 15 months, I had visited all four exotic destinations on my vision board - Santorini, Bora Bora, St. Thomas and St. John. With the exception of Bora Bora, the others were short private day trips from cruise excursions; however, all created amazing memorable experiences. Looking back, I now see I focused on the travel first because it was the easiest to achieve. I had a best friend who was able to travel with me and I had plenty of money to pay for it. We brought our families along for the Caribbean cruise and I didn’t feel quite so selfish in getting those last two travel check marks.
There are two tangible items on the board pertaining to my personal life that are clear cut whether they are achieved or not. After almost four years I really doubted this one would ever come to fruition - 150 pounds. I have not weighed that since I decided to move back to Manhattan Beach eight years ago, and by the time I actually moved four months later I had gained weight. I know I shouldn’t care about a number on the scale, but with my autoimmune disease I feel better at that weight, and to be honest, I look better. I’ve tried so many diets and eliminated certain foods but every time I lose weight and get close, I quickly gain it all back. In the last year I eat less of everything and have not thought about my weight. Last month I hit the 150 mark, achieved a check mark, and am still gradually going lower. I feel incredible and know with my newfound inner peace it will stay off this time.
The next personal item is a headline “America’s Top Colleges: Best Schools, Best Value, Best for You.” I have no plans to go back to school, but I’m a single mom of two and having both of them go to a top college - meaning where they want to go, and the best fit for them - is a dream come true. My daughter is an amazing singer, songwriter and academic student who was afraid to follow her dreams. At the last minute she decided to add one more school to her college list, Berklee College of Music. She auditioned, was accepted and is now attending arguably one of the top music schools in the world.
My son and I were in the car today and the DJ mentioned in the next song the artist’s wife had contributed vocals, but not to worry, she went to Berklee College of Music – where you can’t even get in without serious chops! At that time this overwhelming sense of pride for my daughter overcame me and I started to cry. My son looked at me like I was crazy – he is eighteen, so it happens often. I told him I wanted her to hear what the DJ said. I wanted her to be proud of her achievement as well.
Within the next few weeks my son will have heard back from all of the colleges to which he has applied. He has already been accepted to a few schools and received scholarship offers. We are just waiting to see what that best school for him will be. I’m one proud momma with one more check mark.
I have three individual words on my vision board - happy, loved and spiritual. There have been times I have been happy and times I have felt loved during these four years, although these feelings have been absent from my life much of the past year or two. And spiritual is an elusive concept for me so how do I know when I have achieved being spiritual? Just two nights ago I was at a good friend’s 50th birthday party. I was talking to a woman I had only met once before and the topic turned to religion and spirituality. I told her I don’t follow a religion and I’m not very spiritual. She smiled and told me I might not be religious, but I have a light and an essence that says otherwise about being spiritual; it’s ok to acknowledge it because it is who I am.
As I changed clothes for bed later that night my gaze was drawn to the vision board. I saw the three individual words at once and pulled them together- happy, loved and spiritual – and realized for the first time in my life I am experiencing them concurrently. Three more check marks.
I then looked at the entire board as I haven’t in quite some time. I’ve been preoccupied in the last month making life changing decisions, such as ending my closest relationship and putting my needs, wants and desires first. One card on the board has the phrase “Feel Free” Wow- I can’t remember when I have felt this free. Check mark.
Another one says, “Want What Feels Good to Want” and as I read it, I actually began to cry, knowing I have finally accomplished this. It didn’t feel good to love someone or desire to be with someone whose values were not in alignment with mine. However, in the last month my desires, and the one I desire, have changed; and that feels extremely good to want. I’m not sure what the outcome will be, but it feels positive so that’s one more check mark.
The final phrase on my vision board reads “Bliss isn’t something you work for. It’s something you follow.” Now the tears begin flowing even harder. The last year or two have been especially difficult. We have had a worldwide pandemic causing isolation, I have battled breast cancer, undergone several surgeries and my mother passed away. I feel I have worked hard to find bliss only to come up empty handed. In the last month after finally putting myself first, I am now on a new path leading me to that bliss, and already feeling it. One blissful check mark.
Taking an overall scan of my vision board I realized I have achieved all items except those relating to my career, for which I have three individual images and a nametag on the board. As I gaze again, I see how these items are connected, the subject matter, how they fit into my life plan and the timing as well. I feel as if I’ve travelled into the future and I’m actually living this life now. The images are of a book, a film strip, and a stage with microphones and an audience. The nametag is my name as an attendee from a TEDx conference; however, I have it up there to motivate me to become a speaker of a TED talk.
I see now these writings I am working on daily as my healing, will become my inspirational memoir book. The book will lead to speaking engagements and later there will be some type of recording about my life or inspirational story to help others learn about following their intuition. These items may not be check marks yet, but I know with all my soul they will happen soon. And that makes all the hurt and sadness move away into bliss.